It's a constant companion
by ILoveLilies13
Summary: A little look at what it would be like if the Doctor had a companions who suffered with OCD and Anxiety and other mental illnesses. WARNING - may contain scenes that could trigger/upset
1. Why?

She entered the tardis door and looked up at the doctor. She turned round and left the tardis. She entered the tardis door and looked up at the doctor. She turned round and left the tardis. She entered the tardis door and looked up at the doctor. She turned round and left the tardis. She entered the tardis door and looked up at the doctor.

"Oh Maisie" the doctor said. "Must you do that everytime?" he asked whilst fiddling with the tardis controls. His Scottish accent strong sounded strong with his frustration.

"Yes I must"

The doctor sighed. "What if we were trying to get anyway? What if we had to jump in the tardis and fly away because something was chasing us?"

"I would get caught." Maisie tapped her finger repeatedly on the door of the tardis in a continuous beat. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap, tap. "Or I wouldn't"

The doctor looked up at Maisie. "And why wouldn't you?"

"Because we wouldn't leave in the tardis whilst being chased. You wouldn't leave without resolving the problem."

"hummm but you didn't answer my question." He sighed again. "Where to then? Anywhere in time and space, you name it."

"Can we go back to this afternoon?"

The doctor frowned.

"Only, I said something embarrassing."

"Maisie, Maisie, Maisie. Come here." The doctor opened his arms.

Maisie ran over and hugged the Doctor, hiding her face in his shoulder.

'What happened?" The doctor stopped hugging her and leaned back to look at her. Her mascara has smudged and her cheeks were pink. Her hair had fallen round her face like a wall of protection. "oh you know. Human stuff. Made an idiot of myself."

"I wish I could but you know you can't go back into your own timestream."

"I know." A loud voice in her head shouted 'Maisie you idiot' over and over.

Maisie stood back and wiped her make up from underneath her eyes.

"I'm going to the library."

—

The doctor poked his head round the corner of the vast library to see Maisie rearranging the books into alphabetical order.

"You'll run out of books soon." he said, standing in the doorway.

"Nah, you'll mess them up again." Maisie chuckled sadly.

"Why do you do it?" The doctor asked quietly.

Maisie's head shot up to look at the Doctor. Her eyes were filled with fear, something the Doctor saw too often. Her fingers began to drum out the beat again on the book she was holding. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap, tap…. It was soothing to her.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you do these things?" The doctor asked again, although he already knew the answer.

"OCD" Maisie replied looking back down at her fingers drumming on the book.

"humm."

"Do you not believe me?" Maisie looked up at the doctor, anxiety running through her veins and panic in her eyes.

"Yes. But you didn't answer my question." The doctor said. " _Why_ do you do it?"

"I don't know." Maisie felt on the verge of tears.

The doctor walked over to her and took the book out her hands. "Why do you feel _so compelled_ to do these things?"

"I don't know" Maisie repeated. "Fear, panic, anxiety. They come often. They come and go but they come often. But OCD is my constant companion." She looked at the doctor with tears down her face and fell into his arms that were offering a hug.

"Don't worry. I can help you fight this."

—

 **Authors note:** This is something a little different but I wanted to explore what it would be like if the Doctor had a companion with OCD and Anxiety. I suffer with both myself, some days are better than others but I cope. Something that always bothers me is why do I feel so compelled to do things over and over, a certain amount of times or in a particular way. Why do I feel that things have to be done a certain way otherwise they make me feel so uncomfortable and unhappy. Mental illnesses can be confusing. It comes in many shapes and forms, is never the same and can be utterly frustrating or upsetting, especially if you don't understand it. I'm not sure if I want to continue this or write other similar stories but I hope you enjoyed it.


	2. Drowning

I feel like i'm drowning. It feels like i'm being pulled underwater, my ears go fuzzy and the weeping angel in front of me becomes blurry. All I can hear is my heat beating and pounding in my head so fast as if i'd just run a race. BAM, BAM, BAM. It slams against my ribcage as I desperately try to gasp for air. It feels like someone is squeezing my chest tighter and tighter. The whole world begins to go fuzzy and all I think through my fuzzy thoughts is 'Don't blink'. And then the world suddenly turned black.

"Sam!" The doctor shouted across the room. The two weeping angles stood face to face with their monstrous expressions scaring one another. Sam had defeated the angles without even realising. She used their greatest weapon against them and when she fell the two angels were forced to see each other. Sam lay in a crumpled heap between the angels that were locked together, eye to eye.

The doctor rushed over, Ethan not far behind. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to the tardis.

—-

"Sam"

A familiar voice called my name.

"Morning sunshine" Ethan grinned at me and embraced me in a loving hug as I awoke. I was glad for it as I felt quite shaken up and groggy. Panic attacks are the worst.

The doctor swirled round on his heal when he heard me wake up, a fez was balanced on his head. His face turned from a frown to a smile when I laughed weakly at him.

"Do..do you always have to wear a bloddy fez?" I joked, though I still felt like death.

"Fez's are cool" he replied as usual and turned back round to land the tardis.

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked me with concern in his voice."

"I suppose so."

"You scared me. I hate having to watch you go through this."

"I scared me, I thought I was going to die."

The doctor held his hand out and helped me up from the cold floor of the wobbly tardis. "Oh Samantha you are a genius." He held my face close to his lovingly and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead. "You saved all of us without even realising."

"Are we save now?" I asked reassuring myself.

"Yes. We're home." Ethan smiled and gave me a kiss. "Now, come and have a cup of tea, you'll feel better when you talk about what happened." Man, I loved him, he always knew how to make me feel safe and calm.

"Doctor? You coming?" I turned round to ask.

"Only if i'm promised jammie dodgers." he smiled and followed me out the tardis and back to where I felt safe, Home.

—

 **DeadPigeon - Thank you for the review! I think i'm going to make this a series where I write different scenarios where the companions have different mental disorders. I want to bring attention and raise awareness about them so hopefully people know about them and understand that it can be tough sometimes.**

 **Authors note** \- The Panic Attack Samantha has was based off my first ever panic attack (in the middle of my science class of all places! Truly terrifying but also embarrassing because everyone thought I fainted at the sight of blood!) Panic attacks can be very scary and are just one part of anxiety but the more you know the easier they are to fight/overcome or deal with.


	3. A cloud over my head

**I thought i'd write this chapter as a monologue for practice as I have a English exam on Monday where I have to write a 800 word monologue! In this chapter I thought i'd have a little look at depression. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

I feel as though there's a cloud over my head. Like the ones in the cartoons where the person is being rained on constantly and you can see how glum they are. I'm glum. People are always telling me to 'snap out of it' or 'just cheer up' but it's not the same as a occasional day where you feel down. I can't be cheered up and even if someone does surprise me or manages to put a smile on my face, it feels fake. It feels like i'm forcing it to be there, even though it doesn't want to be, just so society accepts me. 

I looked in the mirror today and felt so self conscious. I just stood there tracing my spine and ribs and other bones. I've lost so much weight over the past few months and it's just made me feel a whole lot worse. In a world where we obsess over what we eat, how much, the way we look and the number on the scales you'd think i'd be happy, i've even had people tell me I look gorgeous, but I hate it. Being all skin and bones. Having people say have you lost weight? Or you're so skinny! It's like a punch in the stomach. 

I've stopped taking the tablets the pharmacy gave me. I've been so sleepy although I knew that would happen because I saw sleepiness or feeling drowsy on the side effects list. Ever since I stopped taking them however I haven't been able to sleep at all. I honestly can't remember the last time I slept. Maybe it was yesterday? I think I had a nap on the sofa, I can't remember. My mind has become full of blurry memories and I never know what day it is or whether it's morning or afternoon. The days are dragging slowly by, one then another and another. They seem as reluctant to pass as I do to live. 

I miss the Doctor. Although I always feel down and hopeless he can put a true smile on my face with how child - like he is and how quirky and clever he can be. He's my medicine. Not the stupid pills from the Doctors or the therapist who doesn't help in any way, he just nods when I speak then tells me to come back again next week. Yes, I love the Doctor. He protects me and makes me feel better. He stops me feeling worthless and never treats me like yet someone else with depression or looks at me like i'm an annoyed teenager that needs telling "cheer up". 

Hold on. I can hear him. I can hear the Tardis! He's come back for me, like he always does. He can't live without me and I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't met him.


End file.
